Somehow I’m 37 weeks, AKA full term. Everyone told me the baby would be here before I knew it, and I silently thought “yeah, right. It will be FOREVER. You just don’t understand my unique circumstances in relation to the dragging of time and the desiring of baby.”
I was wrong. It’s here, and I can’t believe it.
The strangest part about being full term is that this baby really could come at any time now. No matter how much sleep I’ve gotten, what tasks remain outstanding on our to-do list, what kind of mood I’m in – I could go into labour. In positive, energetic moments, I think bring it on! When I’m tired, or sore, or crabby, I think oh, I SO do not feel like being in labour right now.
Yet, I don’t have a say in any of this. I am at the mercy of my own body and of this seven pound creature who has been living inside of me for almost nine months.
I still don’t feel afraid of labour. I’m actually excited to experience it, to have my own story and memories of this amazing event that has fascinated humans for all of documented history. I wonder what it will be like for me: at what time of day will it happen? which of the upcoming dates will forever become special? for how long will I labour? … push? will it happen at home as planned, or will I need or want to go to the hospital at some point? how will I feel, physically and psychologically?
And then of course I wonder about what it will be like to meet this boy, what he’ll look like, what it will feel like to see and hold him. I wonder if it will take awhile to fall in love, or if it will be instant. I wonder if it will all feel real.
My midwife doesn’t think I’ll make it to my due date. This baby is big, and he is low. It really is any day now that everything will suddenly and remarkably change for us.