OK baby, I’m ready for you now. It’s been a wonderful 30 years of education and exploration and controlled irresponsibility, but I’m ready for the next stage. I’m ready for my world to be shaken upside down by a tiny little human, who challenges my very perception of myself, whom I love in a new and profound way.
Of course, one thing I’ll have to work on as a parent is patience. Patience. Do I really have to wait 16 (or 13, or 18) more weeks? Three-and-a-half months is so long! I am waiting, waiting, waiting for everything to change and I am SO BAD at waiting.
I’ll work on patience later (I’ll work on procrastination then, too). For now, I am impatiently, excitedly, single-mindedly willing each fast-and-slow week to tick by just a little faster, marking off each milestone and looking to the horizon for the next one.
Meanwhile, I’m on the losing end of a battle with the pregnancy paradox of simultaneous insomnia and fatigue. I walk around in an absentminded haze, forgetting a new thing every moment. My body wants to rest, and if I walk too much or too quickly, my uterus fights back with aches and pains. A flight of stairs is a mountain, and at yoga I’m decades older. At night, I no longer take falling asleep and staying asleep for granted. Fortunately, my schedule is flexible, so my mish-mashed sleepiness and wakefulness is more of a curiosity than a major life impairment. Some say this is a woman’s body’s way of preparing for the anti-schedule of having a newborn – maybe so, I wouldn’t put it past these amazing bodies of ours.
It’s no wonder I get achy – I’ve now gained 17 pounds, having entered the second trimester only two or three pounds heavier than my starting weight, and literally all of it is in my belly and breasts (mostly my belly). I couldn’t believe my eyes when I compared 23 weeks to 24 weeks:
Ba.na.nas. I don’t know how I don’t have stretch marks yet, but somehow my skin is adapting like it ain’t no thang (see: bodies are amazing). My belly is itchy, but it’s nothing a smear of coconut oil can’t handle… for now. DUN DUN DUN.